


Heart to love

by Eve1978



Category: James "Bucky" Barnes - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Christmas, Enemies to Lovers, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-08-22 17:01:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16601996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eve1978/pseuds/Eve1978
Summary: You hate Bucky Barnes. He’s arrogant, full of himself, shallow and a total womanizer. But when you take him as your fake date to your family’s Christmas vacation you learn there’s a lot more to Bucky Barnes than meets the eye, a whole lot more.(Yeah, I still suck at summaries, guys, sorry!)While writing my fake dating Steve Rogers AU I got the idea for a similar yet very different story with Bucky, so here you have it ;)





	1. Chapter 1

“So what are you guys all doing for Christmas?”

Nat’s question was met with a few excited happy squeals, mostly from Wanda and Tony who were looking forward to spending the holidays with family, but there were also a few disgruntled sighs from the other side of the table, where you sat with Sam, Bucky and Steve.

“No plans?” Wanda turned to you,” I thought you had that yearly family thing?”

“Yeah, we do, I’m just not particularly looking forward to it this year.”

“Why not?” she asked surprised.

“Because,” you sighed,” It’s the first year I…it’s…I’m…”

Steve noticed you were struggling with your words and jumped in,” It’s the first year she’s going alone, without Ben.” 

He gave you a sympathetic little smile and you nodded your head, thankful Steve saved you from having to pronounce his name.

“Oh,” Wanda realized,” I’m sorry, I forgot…but still, two weeks in a beautiful cabin deep in the snowy mountains, with your family, that’s gonna be fun, right?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“What about you, Bucky?” Steve asked, casually taking the attention away from you. 

You could have kissed him but you settled for a little wink and Steve was quick to wink back at you.

“Nothin’,” Bucky answered his question, absentmindedly playing with his cigarette,” You know me, Stevie, I don’t do that sappy Christmassy shit.”

“Yeah, how could I forget?” Steve rolled his eyes but smiled.

Meanwhile Nat leaned closer to you,“ Hey, if you’re looking for someone to take your spot, just say the word, two weeks away from the city sounds like fucking heaven to me.”

You smiled and shook your head,” I look forward to seeing the family, and being away from the bustle of the city for a while is definitely a bonus. But…the thing is my mom’s been trying to set me up with a different guy at every family event I went to this year, I just don’t think I can stand another one, and being up in the mountains there really won’t be any place for me to run and hide this time.”

“Just tell her you’re dating someone,” Nat shrugged.

“Don’t you think I’ve tried that? She doesn’t believe me until she actually sees the guy.”

“Oh, you should totally take a fake boyfriend,” Wanda suggested, overhearing your conversation,” Just to get her off your back.”

“And where do you suggest I find myself one of those?”

“Just pick one of your friends,” Nat pointed across the table and suddenly everyone was looking at you. “I see a few candidates,” she added with a teasing grin. 

“No way,” you quickly refused,” Besides, everyone has plans.” You shook your head and then looked up, letting your eyes meet Steve’s,” Right?”

“Yeah, me and Sam have the whole week planned,” he let you down with another sympathetic smile,” You know I’d help you out otherwise, sweetheart.”

You gave him a thankful smile and turned back to Nat,” See, everyone has plans.”

“Bucky doesn’t have plans,” Steve’s voice made you look up. 

You felt like punching him in the face this time.

“ _No_.” 

The objection came from both you and Bucky and you both looked a little surprised at the other.

Bucky moved in his seat, turning towards you,” What do you mean _no_?”

“I mean no, I don’t want you to be my fake boyfriend,” you answered,” What do you care, you just said no yourself.”

“Am I not good enough to be your fake boyfriend?” he pretended to be offended, which you knew was only an act. Bucky Barnes didn’t give a shit what anyone thought of him.

“I didn’t say that, James,” you sighed.

“What then?” he leaned across the table now, keeping his eyes on you, daring you to answer his question.

Steve, Sam, Wanda, Tony and Nat all sat back with a grin and watched the whole thing play out without saying a word.

“It’s just…you’re not exactly boyfriend material,” you pointed out.

Bucky just looked at you and said nothing for a while. Then he looked down with a little small grin on his lips, his long hair falling across his face a little before he pushed it back behind his ear. The black leather jacket he was wearing accentuated the bad boy look he had going on and he took a long drag from his cigarette before blowing out the smoke, slowly and aimed right at your face. 

“Is that so?” he then asked,” And why exactly is that?”

You waved away the smoke, a little more dramatically than necessary.

“For one, my family absolutely hates smoking,” you stated,” You wouldn’t be able to touch a cigarette for two weeks while you’re staying with us.”

In response Bucky just pushed out his cigarette into an empty glass on the table and gave you a daring look,” Not a problem for me.”

Your eyes met his and you gave as good as he did, not showing any emotion. You knew he was testing you now and there was no way you were going to let him win.

“What else?” he asked.

“You’d have to pretend to my boyfriend for two weeks, you know what that means, right?”

“Enlighten me.”

“It means no sex for two weeks, James,” you added,” If you’re my fake boyfriend you can’t flirt or touch anyone else during that time. Think you can keep it in your pants for 2 weeks?”

Bucky shook his head and grinned,” Not a problem.”

“You’re sure?” you taunted him,” I wouldn’t find you chatting up one of my nieces while I’m not looking?”

He shrugged,” Come on, doll, I do have some self control.”

You weren’t sure who snorted the loudest, you or Steve. Bucky gave him a deadly look and Steve lifted his hands and mouthed a quick “ _sorry”_  but he still couldn’t keep the grin off his face. 

You shook your head and looked away, leaning back into your chair,” Just forget it, James.”

But Bucky leaned forward, not willing to give up this little fight just yet, his lips curled into a sweet teasing smile,“ I don’t see anyone else offering, sweetheart, you’re not exactly in the position to be picky.”

“Maybe I’d rather take my chances with whoever my mum picks out for me,” you threw back.

“Your loss, doll,” he chuckled.

“I sincerely doubt it.”

“Alright, kids,” Steve put a stop to your bickering and stood from the table in his apartment,” I’ll go get us another round of drinks.”

“Good, I’ll help,” you took the out and stood up to follow Steve into the kitchen. 

As soon as you were out of sight from the rest you elbowed him in his ribs.

“Auw, what was that for?” he asked surprised.

“Bucky doesn’t have plans?!” you repeated while you gave him an annoyed look,” What were you trying to do there?”

“Well, he _doesn’t_ have plans,” Steve just pointed out, acting very innocent,” I just thought…it might be an answer to both your problems.”

“I don’t have a problem,” you quickly answered.

“Okay, well, no harm done then,” Steve opened the fridge and took out a couple of beers,” I don’t know why you hate the guy so much anyway.”

“I don’t hate him, I just…can’t stand him.”

“He’s all bark and no bite, you know that.”

“I don’t want him barking or biting anywhere near me,” you took some of the beers from the counter.

“You’re really gonna let your mum set you up with another lawyer or doctor from her town then, huh?” Steve said, reminding you of the last guy she set you up with, a lawyer named Kevin who couldn’t keep his hands to himself and never let you finish a sentence.

“Ugh,” you sighed at the memory.

“All I’m saying is, despite of what you think, there are worse men out there than Bucky Barnes,” Steve pointed out, “and with me and Sam out of town and the others celebrating with their friends and family he’s got nowhere to go for Christmas.”

You leaned against the kitchen counter and looked at him, pouting your lips,”Aw, poor Bucky.”

Steve rolled his eyes at you.

“I just don’t trust him, Steve,” you then sighed. 

He nodded his head and took a step closer to you, looking into your eyes,” Do you trust me?”

“With my life, you know that,” you answered truthfully.

“Then trust me when I tell you Bucky’s not a bad guy.”

You sighed annoyed, a little at Steve for trying to convince you but also a little at yourself because you knew you’d let him talk you into this and you were already regretting it.

Steve lifted one of the beer bottles in one hand. “Bucky,” then he lifted another bottle in his other hand,” or Kevin the lawyer with the grabby hands.”

You rolled your eyes,” That’s like choosing between getting buried alive or getting stabbed to death.”

“Well, pick the least painful one out of the two,” Steve smirked.

You sighed,” Why can’t I just take you?”

Steve smiled and leaned forward, putting a soft kiss on your forehead,”Because Sam would kill me if I ditched him.”

“Maybe we could send Bucky with Sam so you can go with me.”

Steve laughed,” There’s only one person in this entire world that hates Bucky more than you do and that’s Sam Wilson.”

You laughed with him,” Yeah, you’re right. Hey, maybe _I_ should take Sam!”

Steve playfully hit your arm,” Take Bucky, he’s your best option. Your only option.”

As depressing as that thought was you knew Steve was right and you sighed defeated,” If this turns out to be the worst Christmas ever I’m blaming you.”

****

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter: You and Bucky meet your family. There’s awkward greetings and grumpy Bucky and a first kiss.
> 
> No warnings for this chapter, just some fluff!

“Are we there yet?”

Bucky’s voice made you stop and you halted dragging your suitcase through the snow to turn around and look at him. 

His long dark hair was covered in snow flakes and half of his face was hidden underneath a big red scarf, all you could see was his angry eyes peeking up above it.   
He was carrying a big sports bag over his shoulder and he was still wearing that damn leather jacket. He must have been freezing his ass off.

“We’re two minutes closer than the last time you asked,” you sighed and turned back around, pulling your suitcase with you.

You were walking ahead of Bucky, making your way up the mountain to the cabin where your family would be staying. You’d only been walking for about 20 minutes from where the bus dropped you guys off but in this heavy snow it felt more like 2 hours.

You were every bit as tired as Bucky was, except you didn’t feel the need to nag about it every two minutes.

You heard him grunt behind you as he tried to keep up with your step. 

“Oh for God’s sake, don’t be such a fucking baby, James,” you kept walking without looking back at him. 

It’s a good thing you couldn’t see his eyes right now because they were shooting fire at you.

After another 10 minutes you finally reached your destination, the cabin was now right in front of you, the warm light coming through the windows inviting you in.

Your mother opened the door before you could even knock.

“Finally, we were waiting on you two, come on in where it’s warm, come on,” she quickly guided you and Bucky inside and out of the cold. 

As soon as you were in the cabin she wrapped her arms around you in a tight hug,” It’s so good to see you, jellybean!”

“Don’t call me that,” you rolled your eyes but hugged her back with a genuine smile,” It’s good to see you too, mum.”

“You look so good, honey,” she ignored your comment and hugged you even tighter.

“Mum, you saw me two weeks ago, don’t be so dramatic.”

When she finally broke the hug your mother turned her attention to Bucky who was standing behind you and hadn’t said a word yet. “Now, who do we have here?” 

Bucky had taken off his scarf and was giving her something resembling a smile while he reached out his hand,” I’m Bu…James, m’am, pleasure to meet you.”

Your mother ignored his hand and went straight for the hug. You couldn’t help but laugh when you watched Bucky freeze for a moment, not sure how to react, before he adjusted and carefully wrapped an arm around her in an awkward attempt to hug her back.

“We’re so happy to meet you, James,” your mother smiled warmly,” none of that official stuff, okay, you call me Ava and right over there is my husband Jack.”

You watched your father move from his seat to come greet you both. His eyes were on Bucky and the serious look on his face was enough to make any man nervous. He ignored you to go to Bucky first. “So, you’re the man who’s dating my daughter, huh?”

“Um…yes, that’s me, sir,” Bucky answered and reached out his hand to your dad but he didn’t take it, he left Bucky hanging and just stood there, looking him in the eyes, not moving an inch or showing any type of emotion. 

You’d never seen Bucky this shy and nervous before and you were kinda loving it.

“You’d better be treating her well, son,” your father crossed his arms and stared Bucky down,” _Are_ you treating her well?”

‘I…am, sir,” Bucky seemed afraid to look Jack in the eyes now.

Your father moved closer, his voice threatening as he spoke,” Because if you’re not…”

He didn’t finish that sentence, instead you and him fell into a fit of laughter, joined by your mother. 

The shock on Bucky’s face was priceless. 

Your father stepped up to him and pulled him into a hug,” I was just kidding, son.”

“Oh god,” Bucky sighed relieved and hugged your father back.

“Sorry,” he smiled,” boyfriend initiation. You passed.”

Bucky relaxed a little after that and your mum introduced him to the rest of the family, which was your sister and her husband and a couple of aunts and uncles and their teenage kids.

After a lot of greeting and hugging you and Bucky went to your room to unpack.

You moved your suitcase into the room, followed by Bucky who closed the door behind you and let his sports bag fall to the floor. Both your eyes landed on the same thing.

The bed. 

“One bed,” Bucky noticed,” of course.”

You smiled and looked at him,“ Is this a problem for you?”

“Is it a problem for _you_?” he threw the question back.

“Not as long as you keep your hands to yourself, hot stuff,” you pointed out.

He let out a low chuckle.

“I mean it, James,” you looked at him,” I don’t wanna be poked awake by your morning wood, I will literally kick you out of bed and on the cold floor if that happens.”

He shook his head and laughed,” Don’t give yourself too much credit, doll, I’m sure I’ll be able to control myself around you, not even an issue.”

“Good,” you moved your suitcase further into the room, opened it and started to unpack. 

You don’t know why his comment bothered you. It’s not that you ever thought of yourself as particularly attractive or beautiful. You were very much aware that you were nothing special, especially not compared to the pretty skinny girls Bucky always hung out with. But to hear him dismiss the idea so easily and so quickly, almost mocking it, was still hurtful. 

Bucky was unpacking his own stuff and you both kept busy for a little while without saying a word until Bucky broke the silence,“ Hey, I didn’t mean anything by that.”

You looked up at him,” What?”

“I mean, what I said earlier, I didn’t…mean to offend you or anything.”

You shrugged. “For you to offend me I’d have to value your opinion, James, and I don’t, so…we’re good,” you lied. 

“Alright,” he sighed and continued hanging his clothes in the closet. 

Another silence fell between the two of you until once again it was Bucky who broke it,” Because…you know you’re hot, right?”

You almost dropped the bottle of perfume you’d just unpacked.

“I mean you’re annoying as fuck,” he quickly added,” but you’re hot.”

You shook your head in confusion and gave him an angry look,” Gee, thank you?”

“You’re welcome, sweetheart,” he smirked.

You sighed annoyed and disappeared into the bathroom to put the rest of your stuff away. 

Did he really just call you hot? Did Bucky Barnes just actually give you a compliment? Followed directly by another insult, but still. 

He called you hot. You couldn’t help the little smile that crept onto your face. 

When you came back into the bedroom Bucky was lying on the bed, his arms crossed behind his head as he watched you.

“So, what do you guys do for fun around here then?” he asked.

You raised your eye brows and smiled,“ We eat, a lot.”

***

Bucky stood next to you looking down at the dining table, it was filled with different salads and pastas straight out of the oven and your mother and sister were still putting more dishes onto the table.

“You weren’t kidding,” Bucky remarked.

“My mum loves to cook,” you explained,” she doesn’t actually come here to celebrate Christmas, she comes here to live in that kitchen for two weeks and make sure we all go home with five extra pounds on us.”

Bucky’s smile was filled with a little worry, not sure if you were kidding or not.

You took a seat next to your dad. Drinks were poured and everyone quickly started chatting. After a little while the conversation turned to you and Bucky. 

Since he was the only new face at this family gathering everyone seemed very interested to learn more about the intriguing dark haired stranger you brought with you.

“So, how did you two meet?” your sister asked with a big anticipating grin on her face, ready to hear a cute romantic story.

You opened your mouth to speak when you realized you had nothing. You and Bucky hadn’t talked about this at all, you hadn’t even thought about making up a story in your head and now you felt like a complete idiot for skipping such an important step. 

It was only the first day and you were already fucking up the plan.

You sighed and bit your lip when suddenly Bucky covered your hand with his and squeezed softly,” Actually…do you mind if I tell the story, sweetheart?”

You were so taken aback by his reaction that all you managed was a small nod.   
  
His hand was warm and protective over yours and you tried to ignore the way that small gesture put butterflies into your stomach.

Any sign of nerves Bucky may have had earlier around your family were now gone and you could see a whole different, confident, Bucky as he started talking,“ Well, it’s not a huge unique story or anything, but…it’s my favorite because it’s ours, so I never get tired of telling this one.”

Your mum was already melting and you wanted to roll your eyes.

Bucky continued,” I work in a small bookstore in Manhattan and one morning she just walks into my store. I was mesmerized right away, couldn’t keep my eyes off her, I just kept thinking where did this beautiful creature come from and how do I find the courage to talk to her?”

“Awww!” both your sister and your mother were swooning over his words now. It was getting harder not to actually roll your eyes but you managed to hold back and just gave Bucky an encouraging smile.

“I helped her find the book she was looking for and we talked for a little while but…I was too scared to ask for her number,” Bucky looked down, biting his lip and actually blushing.

God, he was insanely good at this. The story was clearly over the top and nauseatingly corny but the way he was telling it had everyone hanging on his every word. He should have been an actor.

Bucky continued,” I thought that was it, she walked out and I thought I’d never see her again. She could have been the woman of my life, I mean I really felt like she could be, but…”

“Please tell us you ran after her?” your sister asked, completely invested in his lie.

“No, I didn’t,” Bucky smiled,” I didn’t know what to say so I just let her go. But then during my lunchbreak I was walking back from Starbucks when I literally ran into someone.”

He looked at you with a big, happy, fake, grin on his face,” It was her, and I just spilled my entire coffee over her shirt.”

“Oh my god!” your mother covered her mouth in shock.

“I know, I was so overwhelmed,” Bucky continued,” I mean what are the odds of me running into her again like that? It had to be a sign from the universe, it just had to be. So…I invited her over to my apartment to get her shirt washed and gave her one of mine to change into. We talked a little more and we just clicked. Seeing her sit there, wearing my shirt, I knew I never wanted to let her go again. So just before she left I asked for her number and then…she kissed me.”

“Aww,” your sister was nearly in tears now,” Oh my god, James, this is like something from a movie!”

Yes, it was like something from a movie and the movie was called Notting Hill.   
  
You couldn’t believe they were actually falling for this bullshit. You gave Bucky an icy look and squeezed his hand just a little harder, letting him know you knew exactly what he did but he just kept giving you that sweet innocent smile.

And much to your surprise none of your family seemed to catch up on it either, or maybe none of them even knew the movie.

“That is such a sweet romantic story, James,” your mother leaned over to squeeze both your hands,” Thank you for sharing that with us, I’m so happy you two found each other. After Ben I thought she…”

“Mum,” you interrupted her and she quickly swallowed the rest of her sentence.

“I’m happy you two found each other,” she then repeated, giving you a comforting smile,” Let’s eat, shall we?”

Much to your relief the rest of the dinner went by without any more uncomfortable questions for you and Bucky. He also took back his hand and didn’t touch you again after telling that story, no one on the table seemed to pay attention to it. 

Until dessert that is.

You noticed your mother looking at you and Bucky with this weird little smile on her face. When you looked back at her she kept smiling and slowly shook her head.

“What, mum?” you asked suspicious.

“You can kiss each other in our presence, you know, there’s no need to be shy around here.”

You could feel your stomach drop, without even looking you knew everyone around the table was now suddenly looking at you and Bucky too.

You wanted the ground to open up and swallow you. You knew this moment was coming eventually but you’d hoped you’d have a little more time to get used to being around Bucky first before you had to lock lips with him. 

You spoke up quietly,“ We’re not shy, mum. It’s…we kissed on our way here, we’re good.”

“Oh, honey,” your father joined in on the conversation,” I’m not sure Bucky agrees with that, I think the man wouldn’t mind a kiss.”

Now they were both looking at you with a hopeful smile on their faces.

“Go on, kiss him,” your sister added.

God-fucking-damned. You were outnumbered and out of excuses.

You turned to look at Bucky, who hadn’t actually said a word or done shit to help you out of this awkward mess. Instead he just leaned one arm on the table to look at you with the biggest mischievous grin on his lips, his eyes challenging and teasing,” You heard them, kiss me, sweetheart.”

The bastard was absolutely loving this, seeing you uncomfortable and shy for the first time. Part of you was ready to just spill the truth right there and tell your whole family it was all fake, anything to avoid having to kiss him, but you quickly realized that option would probably make things even more awkward. 

You had no choice, you were going to have to kiss him, right now, just get it over with.

You grabbed Bucky’s shirt and slowly pulled him closer to you. You avoided looking him in the eyes when you softly pressed your lips to his and kissed him.  
  
As soon as your lips touched your heart started beating remarkably faster. You panicked for a moment when Bucky didn’t kiss you back, he just froze and stared at you until you kicked him against his leg under the table, waking him up from his daze.

He kissed you back then, slowly and with a tenderness you thought him incapable of. His warm hands gently cupped your face to hold you close while his lips moved against yours, seeking more contact.   
He was so warm and so soft and you could taste apple pie and wine on his tongue when it slipped into your mouth, kissing you a little deeper but not deep enough to your liking. He was teasing you, keeping the kiss so soft it was giving you goosebumps all over, using the tip of his tongue to play with yours and then pull back just when you were ready to accept more.

You had to stop yourself from letting out a little moan when he eventually pulled back from you with a satisfied smirk. 

It took all you had not to crawl into his lap and beg him to kiss you again.

Bucky was biting his bottom lip, his eyes still on you as he leaned back into his chair.

Fuck, why did he suddenly look so sexy doing that? 

Asshole.

Your mum and dad were both just staring at you and the sight of them and the rest of your family pulled you back to reality. You moved back from Bucky and tried to act casual.

“Was that enough or do you want us making out on the table?” you teased and your dad quickly shook his head and laughed.

“No, that’ll do,” he added.

Your mum stood from her chair and gave you both a happy smile,“ So, who’s ready for some more dessert then?”

Your dad gave Bucky the thumbs up and your sister was looking at you both with the biggest heart eyes you’d ever seen on her. 

You couldn’t look Bucky in the eyes after that kiss, and you were pretty sure he was avoiding looking at you too. 

You did your best to strike up a conversation with your sister about work and her plans to start children, anything that kept you from having to face the awful truth of what just happened and what that kiss just made you realize:

You were attracted to this asshole.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter: Bucky Barnes remains a mystery but you learn a little bit more about him in this chapter. Steve is no help at all and you’re a little too honest with one family member.

It was way past midnight when you and Bucky finally entered your bedroom that night. 

You’d both been successfully avoiding talking to each other after that kiss, which was easy to do as long as the rest of the family was around. You had spent most of the night chatting with your sister and your mum while Bucky had been deep in conversation with two of your uncles.  

But now you were alone and as the bedroom door closed behind you all words in the English language seemed to disappear from your mind.

And Bucky was just as quiet as you were, which didn’t help.

You sat down on the side of the bed and started taking off your earrings while you looked up at him. 

For a few moments he just stood there, his eyes shifting from the bed towards the couch and then back to the bed.

“Something wrong?” you asked.

“No, I…um…you can take the bed, I’d rather sleep on the couch, if you don’t mind.”

You weren’t sure what you were expecting to hear but it definitely wasn’t that.

“We’re both adults, James, we can sleep in the same bed and it doesn’t have to be weird. I’ll stay on my side and you stay on yours, it’s fine.” 

“That’s not…,” he sighed and avoided your eyes,” I’d just rather sleep on the couch, if that’s okay with you.”

You looked at him for a few seconds, waiting for his expression to change or for him to start laughing because he had to be joking, right? Why would James Barnes offer up a good spot in a huge warm bed for an old crappy couch? 

Unless the idea of sleeping with you was that revolting to him…

“Are you trying to insult me again, James?” you asked carefully.

“It’s nothing to do with you, I swear,” he quickly tried to reassure you.

“What then? I told you it’s okay, we can share the bed, it’s not a big deal.”

“I don’t _want_ to share the bed!” he snapped and regretted it the second he watched you flinch,“ I’m sorry, It’s just…I like my space and…I haven’t slept with anyone in over 10 years.”

You couldn’t help but snort out loud at that statement.

“I mean I haven’t shared the bed with anyone,” he explained,” I fuck people, I don’t sleep with them, ever. It’s just…it’s my thing, okay. Can we just accept that that’s my thing and not dwell on it?”

You sighed but nodded your head,” Fine, whatever, James.”

“Thanks,” he took the pillow and one of the extra blankets from the bed and took them with him to the couch.

“Fucking weirdo,” you muttered under your breath while grabbing your cell phone,“ I’m gonna take a shower.”

You disappeared into the bathroom and closed the door behind you. The room suddenly felt lighter without Bucky in it and you sighed, relieved to be away from him for a bit.   
  
You planned on really taking your time to shower and wash and dry your hair but first you texted Steve: “ Just for the record, I hate you.”

His answer came almost immediately,” Love you too, baby girl. That bad, huh?”

You started typing,” It’s just…why did you…he’s so infuriating…and we kissed…but then he…I just wanna punch him…why did I listen to you…I don’t know what to do, Steve….”

Your finger hovered over the send button but you deleted every single word and instead decided to go with another ”I hate you, Rogers” before putting your phone away. 

You knew Steve was laughing on the other side. You were going to have this conversation with him another day but right now you just wanted to forget about this one. Maybe standing under that water long enough would wash away every last trace of Bucky from your lips and your mind.

By the time you came back into the bedroom, almost an hour later, Bucky had already settled into the couch. His eyes were closed and he was covered by a couple of blankets. You couldn’t tell if he was actually sleeping or just pretending but you were happy to play along if it meant no more awkwardness for tonight.

You sighed and crawled into bed before whispering,“ Good night, asshat.”

***

When you woke up the next morning the couch was empty and there was no sign of Bucky anywhere in the bedroom or bathroom. You dozed in the warmth of the bed a little while longer, giving yourself time to fully wake up, stretching your arms and legs and soaking up the heat.

After a while you forced yourself to get up and headed downstairs to help your mother with breakfast.

“Morning, mum.”

“Morning, honey,” she smiled,” How was your first night?”

“Good.”

“How’s James?”

“I don’t know, you tell me, I woke up alone.”

You grabbed plates and cutlery from the cupboard while your mother was making eggs.

“Did something happen?” she asked a little confused.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” you then blurted out, surprising both yourself and your mother, who stopped what she was doing to look at you.

“I just brought him here so you wouldn’t set me up with anyone else,” you confessed, realizing you may as well tell her everything now. 

“Jellybean!” your mum put her hand over her heart,” I’m appalled that you would automatically assume I would…”

“Come on,” you interrupted her,” You had a guy all set up and ready, don’t even lie.”

She couldn’t hide the smile on her face,” Well, maybe I did.”

“I fucking knew it,” you shook your head and laughed while putting toast on the plates.

“And Sebastian will be so disappointed,” your mother added in a sigh.

“See, the fact that you keep setting me up with guys named Kevin or Sebastian is part of the problem, mum.”

She just smiled at you,” So, James is what then? A friend?”

“Not exactly.”

“Oh god,” she covered her mouth with her hand and looked at you in shock,” Please tell me he’s not someone you hired to do this. He’s not a… _you know_ …is he?”

It took you a second to catch on and when you did you hit your mother on the arm,” Oh my god mum, no! James is not an escort, how desperate do you think I am?”

“Well…”

You raised your hand to stop her,“ Don’t answer that.”

She gave you a cheeky smile while she put eggs onto the plates.” Well, who is he then?”

“That’s a really good question,” you let out a small laugh followed by another sigh,” James is a friend…of a friend.”

“Okay,” your mum accepted your explanation,” Well, he seems like a very nice young man.”

“Does he, really?”

Your mum looked at you in surprise,” Of course, he’s been polite and kind to all of us, and very sweet but there’s something sad about him.”

“Sad?” you asked confused.

“His smile never quite reaches his eyes, you haven’t noticed that?”

Of course you had never noticed that, you spent more time avoiding looking at those eyes than actually looking at him and you suddenly wondered if that was something you should have paid attention to.

“Huh, I never pictured him for sad, he’s just…,.” you hesitated.

“What?” 

You couldn’t bear to say the word _asshole_ in front of your mother.

“Difficult,” you opted.

“Well, those are the most interesting ones, aren’t they?” your mother smiled,”I’m glad he’s spending Christmas with us.”

“You might wanna hold that thought,” you teased but your mum just laughed.

Your conversation was interrupted when your dad and uncle came in from the snow carrying a tree that looked way too big to fit into this cabin.

“We found one!” your uncle announced enthusiastically.

“Did you pick the biggest tree in the entire shop?” your mum was shaking her head and you were ready to chime in when you noticed Bucky walking in too, carrying the last end of the tree.

His leather jacket was covered in snow but he was smiling this time. You couldn’t even think of a comment or a joke, you were too stunned. Instead of sleeping in Bucky had gotten up early to join your dad and uncle’s hunt for the perfect Christmas tree, and he even seemed to be enjoying himself.

Who was this clone and what had he done to the real Bucky Barnes?

“Move that thing into the living room asap,” your mother ordered,” If you put snow all over my breakfast table there will be blood, even yours, Jack.”

“We’re sorry, Ava,” Bucky gave her a charming smile as they passed, dragging the tree out of the kitchen and up to the empty space next to the fire place.

As soon as the tree was in place everyone joined you and your mother for breakfast. 

Bucky took a seat next to you, grabbing a piece of toast from the middle of the table and quickly taking a bite as if he’d been starving.

“I thought you hated snow,” you remarked.

“Not if the company’s good,” he spoke with his mouth full and gave you a smug grin.

God, how you wanted to slap that thing off his face right now.

“So, James,” your mother interrupted your thoughts of murder,” is this along the lines of what you normally do for Christmas?”

He shook his head without looking up,” No, not at all, I…um…I don’t usually celebrate or decorate much.”

“Not even a tree?” your mum asked surprised.

“No, I always work during the holidays and I’m not home much anyway,” he shrugged,” seems a bit pointless to put up a tree just for me.”

“Well, that’s a shame,” your mum continued,” You don’t have any family to celebrate with, dear?”

“Nah,” he shook his head and took another bite from his toast.

“What about your parents?” your mum asked. 

“Mum, stop giving him the third degree,” you interfered and Bucky looked up for the first time, giving you a little, almost thankful, smile before he looked at your mother.

“I don’t have any family, Ava,” he then explained,” My mother gave me up when I was just a baby so I’ve never known her or my dad. I’ve been in and out of foster homes my entire life and…it’s just me now.”

Your mother stopped eating to look at him, a look of both shock and sympathy on her face,” Oh, honey, I’m so sorry.”

Bucky just shrugged his shoulders,” It’s alright, I’m used to it. Could I have some of those pancakes? They look absolutely delicious.”

Perfect distraction.

“Oh, of course, dear,” you mother helped him and meanwhile your dad and sister steered the conversation away from Bucky. 

You watched Bucky eat almost half of all the pancakes and nobody even said a thing about it. Everyone seemed a little shook by his story, even you.

You had no idea, Steve had told you Bucky was a good guy and you believed him but you knew less to nothing about Bucky Barnes and what his life had been like. And you never particularly cared to find out.

Until now.

***

You texted Steve again a little later, while the men of the family were cleaning up the kitchen and the women and kids had started decorating the tree and the rest of the cabin.

“Hey, loser, are you there?”

You only had to wait a few minutes before he answered,” I’m here, princess. What has he done now?”

“He breathes,” you texted back,” I need to ask you something, for real though.”

“I’m all ears, what’s up?”

“What’s Bucky’s story?”

“What do you mean?”

“He really doesn’t have any family?”

“He told you that?”

“More or less, is it true?”

“Yeah, it’s true, Y/N.”

You knew Steve was being serious when he used your actual name and your heart sank a little bit before you typed again,” What happened to him?”

“I can’t tell you that story,” Steve answered,” You’re gonna have to drag it out of him, and he won’t budge easily.”

You sighed and before you could type anything you got another text from Steve:“Just be kind, Christmas is hard on him.”

You answered back,“ That’s why you sent him with me, isn’t it? So he wouldn’t be alone?”

“That’s one of my reasons, yes.”

“What’s the other?”

“Sorry, I gotta run, Sam’s at the door, ttyl!”

You shook your head and laughed. “Later, Rogers.”

Oh, you were going to have a very serious conversation with him about this later, when he wasn’t able to dodge your questions. He wasn’t going to get away with this little plan of his that easily.

****

The rest of the afternoon was spent decorating the entire cabin while cheesy Christmas songs played in the background. The mood was relaxed, everyone chatted and occasionally sang along, even Bucky, whose rendition of _Santa baby_ made you laugh so hard you almost forgot you hated him.

You were both decorating the last part of the tree when your dad suddenly stood next to you, holding up his arm. When you looked up you were looking right at the green plant of doom he was holding over you and Bucky.

“Mistletoe,” he grinned.

You wanted to kick him but Bucky just laughed. Without even flinching he put his hands on your waist and pulled you close before placing a soft, lingering, kiss on your lips. Before he pulled away he leaned his forehead against yours and smiled while staring into your eyes.

It was so innocent and sweet and you completely fucking melted. 

How could he do that with so much ease, as if it was nothing, while you were standing there with wobbly knees and your heart beating loudly in your chest? 

Your hands held onto the soft fabric of his shirt, afraid to put them anywhere else and actually touch him. Before you could even react he just stepped away from you again and continued putting up little silver angels into the tree.

You stood frozen until your mum nudged her elbow against yours and gave you a wide grin,“So, he’s not your boyfriend, but you want him to be, right?”

You looked at her like she just insulted you and you firmly shook your head,”Nu-uh, no way, mum, ew, no. _NO_.”

She nodded her head but the grin on her face told you she didn’t believe a single word of your protest

“I don’t see James that way, mum,” you tried to convince her.

“If you say so, honey,” she leaned back against the table to look at you,” But he’s a very gorgeous man, and a nice man as far as I can tell. Maybe you should start seeing him that way.”

You looked at her and then shook your head in an overly theatrical sigh,” This is not happening. I brought him so you wouldn’t set me up with anyone else but now you’re actually trying to set me up with my own fake date? Mum, seriously?!”

Your mother just covered her mouth with her hand and let out a loud genuine laugh.

”Well, serves you right for bringing a _fake date_ in the first place,” she spoke the words “fake date” in a whisper and with a wink, reassuring you that part would be kept between the two of you.

You gave her a thankful smile and then let your eyes wander off to Bucky again. 

He was standing by the side of the tree, hanging glittery little snowflakes up as high as he could reach. His shirt moved up a little while doing so, showing you a sneak peek of his toned stomach and a glimpse of his boxers just sticking out above his black jeans. 

You wanted to run your hands underneath that shirt and feel his skin under your fingertips, maybe kiss him right there above that happy trail and then lick your way down.  
You bit your lip while you stared and sighed.

“You okay, honey?” your mother asked.

“We have alcohol, right?”

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Bucky share some personal stories but he still remains a mystery to you. Meanwhile your own feelings grow a little stronger every second you spend with him (but you’re not about to let him know that)
> 
> I'm sorry for the wait on this, guys, the plan was to have this fic finished by New Year's Eve but that seems very unlikely to happen now. I'm still doing my best to update as fast as I can!

There wasn’t any alcohol but the night turned out quite interesting anyway, after a rocky start.

Once the tree and the lights were up the living room looked like something straight out of a Christmas movie. Snow was falling outside while your nieces were browsing the Netflix menu. Your dad and uncle had occupied the couch and your mum, aunt and sister were in the kitchen making snacks.

“Do you guys need a hand?” 

“No, we’re just finishing the popcorn,” your sister smiled,”Why don’t you go get James?”

“Yes, honey, go and get your _boyfriend_ ,” your mum added with a cheeky grin while she put emphasis on the last word. 

You tried your best not to sigh,”Where is he?”

“Out on the deck,” your sister answered,”I think he could use a little cheering up, he looked kinda out of it.”

You were pretty sure you were the last person on this planet that could cheer that man up but you nodded and put on your jacket before going outside to find Bucky. 

He was sitting on the stairs of the cabin, wearing just his hoodie and smoking a cigarette.

You pulled your scarf up a little higher to protect yourself from the ice-cold wind and stepped up to him. “Is this seat taken?”

Bucky looked up in surprise and shook his head,”No, go ahead.”

You sat down next to him,“Thanks.”

He took one last drag from his cigarette before putting it out and throwing it away,” Sorry, I promised you no smoking, didn’t I?”

“It’s okay, you’re outside, you can do whatever you want, I can’t stop you.”

He said nothing but just stared out in front of him. There was only snow and trees as far as you could see. 

“It’s nice and quiet around here,” you broke the silence after a while,”So different from the city. I like it.”

“Me too,” Bucky nodded.

He didn’t say anything for a while after that either, he seemed completely lost in his thoughts and distracted.

You were the first to speak again when the silence became too heavy for you to bear,“Listen, my mum can be a little pushy sometimes, I’m sorry about that. She shouldn’t have asked you all that stuff about your family.”

“She wasn’t pushy, she was trying to be nice.”

“So, you’re really an orphan?” you asked.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Getting things off your chest can be a good thing,” you tried.

“Alright,” he turned to look at you for the first time since you sat down,”Let’s talk then, miss chatty pants, you wanna tell me what happened with what’s-his-name Ben?”

It was the last thing you expected to hear out of Bucky’s mouth and you immediately shut down.

“No,” you then whispered,”No, I don’t wanna talk about that.”

“Didn’t think so,” Bucky pointed out and turned away from you again.

The next minutes passed by in complete silence. It was probably only a few minutes but the tension was so palpable it felt like hours.   
You’d never met anyone in your entire life that was so difficult to talk to than Bucky. You had no idea how to get through to him, but you weren’t one to give up that easily either.

Eventually you gathered all your courage and realized the only way Bucky would talk and share something with you is if you took the first step and shared something of your own.

“Ben was my high school sweetheart,” you started,”We’d been together for as long as I could remember, he was…”

You took a deep breath, even now just mentioning Ben’s name or thinking about him was enough to send your emotions reeling. 

”He was my everything,” you continued,”I loved him since he was a boy and I loved the man he grew into even more. We moved in together right after college, we both started working in the city. Then we got engaged, we even started talking about kids, the future was so fucking bright I never even stopped to think…”

You sighed deeply and took a moment.

Bucky was looking at you with a serious look on his face,”What happened?”

“Two days before Christmas I came home from work and noticed all his stuff was gone. It was like he just disappeared into thin air and all his belongings with him. I didn’t know what to do, if something had happened, if he was okay or not,” you fought back tears and bit your lip,” I called him all day long, left him a shit ton of messages but all I got was radio silence. Eventually I got one text late that night saying he just wasn’t feeling it anymore and we’d be better off without each other. Fifteen years and he ended it with a fucking text message.”

You sighed deeply,”I never saw him again after that, never talked to him again, not even on the phone. He was the only guy I ever…and it ended just like that.”

Bucky moved a little closer and placed his hand on your lower back. He didn’t move it, just kept it there but his presence was enough to calm you down.

“For months I kept thinking what the hell did I do wrong? Was it something I said? Had I changed and just didn’t realize it? How could he suddenly want different things?”

“Men are assholes,” Bucky just stated.

You couldn’t help but smile at this statement coming from Bucky of all people.

“Yeah, no shit.”

“Wasn’t your fault,” he then added.

“Thank you, James,” you sighed, relieved that you managed to get through this conversation without shedding a tear, that in itself was progress,”I haven’t brought anyone home after Ben, I’ve  tried dating a few guys but…I’m just not feeling it, I’d rather be alone than be disappointed again.”

You turned to look at Bucky,”So you see, me bringing you here is kind of a big deal, for my family I mean.”

“Yeah, I can see that.” His voice was softer than you’d ever heard it and there was actual compassion in his eyes. 

His hand was still on your back and he was making no attempts to take it away.

You both stayed quiet for a while.

“So, are you really an orphan?” you tried your question from earlier again and this time Bucky just smiled softly.

“Yeah, I’m really an orphan, I’ve kinda…lost count of how many foster homes I’ve been in. Some were nice but others, most of them, weren’t. I…I got hit a lot, even as a kid. Sometimes I deserved it but…”

“No kid deserves to get hit, Bucky,” you interrupted him.

“Yeah, well I was…difficult,” he confessed,” and after a while I just…you know, if I was gonna get hit anyway I might as well do something to deserve it, right? So I lashed out a lot, ran away, skipped school, stayed out all night, basically did everything I knew would get me into trouble.”

He stayed quiet and you gave him some time to gather his thoughts.

“It was easier than to wait for them to kick me out, you know,” he continued,” because I knew that was always going to happen eventually, none of them wanted to keep me. They all thought they could fix me, get me on the right track, some tried by being nice and others by punishing me. But no method worked, and even the nice ones lost their patience in the end.”

You let your eyes meet his and for the first time you noticed what your mother was talking about. 

He did have sad eyes. Gorgeous, deep, blue, sad eyes.

“The last one…he…um,” Bucky was nervously biting his lip now and struggling to continue.

You moved your hand and placed it on his thigh, encouraging him to keep talking.

“He hit me on a daily basis, he hit his wife too, there were so many nights where I could hear her scream and I…I’d tried to stop him but…I was a skinny 16 year old kid, what could I do? I begged her to leave or turn him into the police but she wouldn’t listen. That one night…god he was even more drunk than usual, she was already bleeding from the head and he tried to…”

He took a deep breath,”I took his gun from the bedroom closet and tried to shoot him.”

“Oh god, Bucky.”

“I failed miserably of course, never held a gun before in my life, I just shot the wall and then he took it from me and shot her”

You covered your mouth with your hands in shock but quickly placed your hand back on his thigh, not wanting to break the contact.

“If I hadn’t taken that gun she may still be alive today, I brought that gun into the room, if I hadn’t…”

“You don’t know that, James.”

“You’re right I don’t, and I never will, and that’s…fucking infuriating,” he added with a sigh,” After shooting her he shot me too, right here in my arm, still have the scar tissue to prove it. The bullet went straight through, doctors said I was lucky he missed the artery. Anyway, after that I ran and never looked back. I started picking up a few jobs here and there, gathered some money and found my own apartment, it was one room with an added bathroom and I felt like the luckiest bastard in the world. Life’s been pretty good since then, all things considered.”

He gave you a weak smile.

“Yeah,” you smiled back and then you both fell silent. Your hand still rested on his thigh and Bucky’s hand was still on your lower back. You were leaning against him a little too, involuntarily but somehow you didn’t want to pull away.

“Thank you for sharing that with me,” you eventually spoke softly.

“That’s what you wanted, isn’t it? To unlock my sappy story.”

He rolled his eyes and pulled away from you and just like that he changed back into the Bucky you knew. Distant, cocky, and with a wall up so high no one would ever break through it, not even you. 

Especially not you.

“Why don’t you go back inside with your family?” he suggested,”I wanna sit here a while longer and there’s no need for both of us to freeze our asses off.”

“Fine, just…don’t be too long, you’ll catch something.”

“And you suddenly care?” he shook his head and shrugged.

You’re not sure why his remark annoyed you so much but it did.

“I just…James…”

“Let’s get one thing straight here,” he interrupted you before you could speak,”I don’t want your pity, you didn’t give a fuck before so you don’t need to give a fuck now because you heard my sad little story, okay. Fucking hell, this is exactly why I never share my shit. 

“I’m sorry,” you whispered.

“And please stop looking at me like I’m a lost puppy that needs taking care of,” he added,” I don’t want that, I don’t want you to treat me differently, okay, are we clear?”

“Alright,” you nodded your head and took your eyes off him,”Alright, I get it.”

That wasn’t a lie, you actually did get it, pity was the absolute worst.

“Good,” he snapped and then sighed heavily while looking away from you.

“Okay, well, I’m going back inside,” you spoke and hesitated a few seconds before adding the rest,”Since your ass is too stubborn to move I hope you do catch something, In fact hope you get the flu so you can spend the rest of our time here being sick on that crappy couch, and don’t expect me to take care of you or share the bed cause you’re on our own with that, asshat.”

You walked away without looking back, slamming the door of the cabin behind you. Bucky stayed behind to lit another cigarette, the smile on his face was warm and genuine. 

****

He ended up following you inside only 10 minutes later.

You had already taken a spot on the ground in front of the couch. All lights in the cabin were turned off except for the Christmas tree and your whole family was spread out across the couches and the floor.

Bucky didn’t hesitate to take the spot on the ground next to you. He was literally shaking from the cold outside and there were still a couple of snow flakes in his long dark hair. You wanted to wrap him in a blanket and hug him warm but after your latest conversation you decided that might not be the best idea.

Your niece was holding the remote and flicking through the Netflix menu looking for a suitable movie. “Okay, so we’ve narrowed it down, it’s either _While you were sleeping_ or _Notting Hill_.”

You almost choked on your drink while Bucky burst out laughing next to you, he was quick to recover and act like nothing happened. 

“Um…why those two?” you asked. 

“Because they’re classics,” your niece explained,’and nobody here has seen them yet.”

“I’ve seen _Notting Hill_ many times,” you objected,”In fact, I know it by heart.”

“Yeah, well, you weren’t here when we decided,” your niece stuck out her tongue at you and smiled.

“I’ve always wanted to see it,” your mum added even though nobody asked her.

“It’s not that good,” you shrugged, trying to lower the obvious enthusiasm in the room.

“Then why have you seen it so many times?” your sister asked confused.

 _Shit_.

You couldn’t think of anything else to say when luckily Bucky came to the rescue, “I’m a huge Sandra Bullock fan, is it okay if we watch _While you were sleeping_?”

“Oh of course, honey! We’ll watch Notting Hill some other time,” your mother decided for the entire room and gave Bucky a warm smile,” _While you were sleeping_ it is.”

Ever since she found out he didn’t have any family he had your mother wrapped around his little finger. She’d do anything he asked and he was very much aware of it too.

You sighed a sigh of relief when your niece started the movie.

You leaned a little closer to Bucky to whisper something in his ear,”You know, for someone who doesn’t wanna be pitied you’re sure not above using it in your favor, huh?”

“Shut up,” he muttered but you could see the corners of his mouth curl up in a little smile.

***

The rest of the night was perfect, you’d forgotten how much you actually loved this movie, you were surrounded by family, the room was warm and cozy and the popcorn was delicious. But there was one thing that kept distracting you and not in a good way: your so called boyfriend Bucky hadn’t touched you at all during the entire first half of the movie.

All other couples present were sitting close to each other, cuddling up and even sharing a kiss every now and then, but Bucky acted as if you weren’t even there.

Yes, you were aware you could make the first move yourself but after your conversation outside earlier you were a little hesitant and wanted to give him his space. 

But at some point during the second half of the movie you’d had enough of being ignored and you stood from your spot.

Bucky finally looked up at you,”Everything okay?”

“No,” you gave him an annoyed glare and headed for the kitchen.

Bucky just looked confused and unsure what to do until he met your mother’s eyes.

“That means follow her, honey,” she instructed him with a smile. Bucky rushed to get up and followed you into the kitchen.

You were just closing the fridge and you jumped when he suddenly stood in front of you,” What the f…?!”

“Sorry.”

“Why are you here?”

“Your mum said to follow you, I guess that’s what a boyfriend should do.”

You let out a fake laugh,”There’s a lot of things a boyfriend should do.”

“What on earth does that mean?” he asked.

The look of confusion on his face was almost endearing, he really had no idea.

“You’re really clueless, aren’t you?” 

He leaned against the kitchen counter and sighed,”I don’t read signals and I don’t read minds, if you want me to get something use your fucking mouth.”

The way he spoke those last words were almost a dare but you weren’t in the mood right now so you ignored his tone.

“Alright,” you indulged him,” I’m your girlfriend, would it hurt you to touch me?”

His mouth opened but there were no words coming out, whatever he’d expected you to say that wasn’t it.

“You’ve been ignoring me the entire time in there,” you continued,”You’re the worst fucking boyfriend ever.”

He shook his head,”Man, I never knew you were so needy.”

“I’m not,” you objected too quickly,”I’m…I’m not needy, you’re just…why are you so…you know what, fucking forget it.”

You moved past him but he grabbed your hand to stop you.

“Wait,” he pulled you back, forcing you to look a him,”I’m sorry, okay. I never claimed to be a good boyfriend though.”

“Yeah, no shit,” you rolled your eyes.

“I’m not good with all that,” he then continued,”all that couples stuff, it’s hard.”

You looked at him for a few seconds, there was no daring or teasing in his eyes now.

“You’ve never had a serious girlfriend in your entire life, have you?” you suddenly realized.

He lowered his eyes,”No, I haven. I never stick around long enough for that.”

“I see.”

“If you wanted me to touch you all you had to do was ask,” he added. The sudden softness of his voice was doing things to you and goddamned you hated it.

The last thing you needed was feelings for this asshole yet here you were, powerless to stop them.

He laced his fingers with yours and placed his other hand on your waist, pulling you closer to him, his eyes on yours the entire time. He was playing you so well and you had no idea why you were going along with it but you couldn’t look away from those intense blue eyes.

“I don’t mind touching you,” his voice was a whisper now and he was nuzzling your cheek,”I don’t mind at all actually.”

HIs lips ghosted across your neck, not touching you but leaving a trail of his hot breath all over your skin. You visibly shivered, putting a satisfied smirk on his lips. As if that wasn’t bad enough he started biting his lower lip while giving you his best bedroom eyes.

God, you wanted his mouth on you so badly. But it was just the two of you here, there was no reason to put on a show or play along with his game. 

If you kissed him right now he would know…know how fucking attracted you were to him and that was the absolute last thing you wanted.

You placed your hands on his chest and pushed him back,”We’re missing the movie.”

You stepped out of his embrace and headed back towards the living room without waiting for him.

Bucky licked his lips and shook his head.

He pulled his cell phone from his pants and opened up his last message, from Steve:“ Stop ignoring my texts and tell me how it’s going over there.”

Bucky answered,”They love me, what did you think? Her family’s already planning the wedding.”

Steve’s answer came within a few seconds,”Liar liar.”

Bucky smiled and started typing,” I just tried to kiss her and she fled the room, it’s going great!”

Steve sent back a bunch of smileys that felt way too much like mocking to Bucky’s liking.

“Asshole,” Bucky sent back,”I still don’t know how I let you talk me into this, she obviously hates me.”

“She doesn’t hate you. She just needs time to get to know you, the real you.”

Bucky sighed,” What even is the real me, Stevie?”

“Just be yourself.”

Bucky rolled his eyes.

“But not too much,” Steve quickly added in another message,“And remember what I told you.”

Bucky typed with a smile,”If I hurt her you’ll hunt me down and kill me in the most painful and brutal way imaginable?”

“That too, but just try and relax and have a good time over there, alright?”

“I’m trying, Steve.”

“Good! Now get your ass back to her and go be the best fake boyfriend you can be.”

Steve’s message was followed by a bunch of thumbs up emoticons and Bucky smiled before putting his phone back into his pocket. 

Then he took a deep breath before walking back into the living room.

You didn’t look at him when he sat down next to you but when he carefully put his arm around your shoulder you willingly moved closer and leaned your head against his chest.

He didn’t say a word but he kept his arm around you the entire time while you both finished watching the movie.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas has arrived and with it a whole new side of Bucky Barnes that has you falling hard. Also Bucky cries, a lot, in this chapter, I hadn’t intended for that to happen but here we are, Bucky Barnes is a cry baby.
> 
> This chapter is just one big ball of fluff and angst, mostly fluff ;)

Cuddling with Bucky during the movie was one of the best experiences you’d had all year and it pained you a little- _okay a lot_ -to have to admit that. 

His arms were just so comforting, so strong yet soft around you, and his chest was so firm and perfect to rest your head on.

What started out as just him casually draping an arm around your shoulder ended up with you having both your arms wrapped around his waist while he hugged you, his fingers softly caressing your hair the entire second half of the movie.

How was it possible that he was this cocky distant asshole one minute and then this sweet soft lovable guy the next?

Was this sweet version really just him acting or was this a tiny glimpse of the real Bucky?

You had no idea what was real and what wasn’t and right in this moment you didn’t really give a shit. Bucky’s arms felt like heaven and it was taking a lot out of you not to moan softly at all of his sweet delicate touches.

You both sat like that for a while after the movie had finished until most of your family started to get up and head for their bedrooms.

You carefully leaned back from Bucky’s hug to look at him. 

Fuck. 

You’d forgotten how blue and dreamy his eyes were, you could totally get lost in there, or find yourself. Whatever it was you couldn’t look away, and to make matters worse he still kept his arm around you, like he didn’t want to let go of you just yet either.

You weren’t really sure what encouraged your next move, all you knew was you weren’t going to let another chance to kiss him pass you by. So you leaned in and softly pressed your lips to his. Bucky didn’t hesitate this time, he cupped your face with his free hand and kissed you back.

As soon as Bucky’s lips were on yours you forgot all about everyone else in the room, it was just you and him, and that sinful delicious mouth of his kissing you so sweetly.

His tongue brushed against yours and this time you didn’t hold back your moan, which only encouraged him to pull you even closer and deepen the kiss even further. It was no longer soft and slow but hungry and needy. Clearly you weren’t the only one who had forgotten there were other people in the room.

Bucky’s hand made its way underneath your sweater, searching for bare skin, the touch of his fingers set your entire body on fire. You were both breathing heavily but he didn’t give you any time to catch your breath, his hand settled in your neck and he pulled you to him for another deep kiss.

You were nothing but a helpless, horny mess at this point. Your brain wanted to ask him to stop because you knew some of your family members were still in the room, your body however just wanted to beg him to fuck you right here underneath the Christmas tree.

The realization that you were _this_ close to actually letting that happen made your brain kick in and you slowly pulled back from the kiss. Bucky sighed disappointed but he followed your lead and finally let go of you. 

When he noticed both your parents looking he actually started blushing.

“Um…sorry,” he whispered and bit his lip.

Your mother was just beaming and even your dad had a little grin on his face.

“No, no, don’t stop on our account, by all means continue devouring my daughter, she seems to be enjoying it,” your dad teased and now Bucky blushed even more while you buried your head into your hands.

Your mum hit him on the arm,“Jack, stop it! I think it’s time we went to bed and let them have some privacy, come on.”

She dragged your dad with her and you watched them all leave the room together with your uncle and brother in law, leaving you and Bucky alone, ready to continue where you’d left off except that the moment was gone now and neither you or Bucky seemed willing to pick it back up.

Maybe it had all been just for show to him after all and now that the audience was gone the play was over. You couldn’t shake the disappointment but you were determined not to show it.

“I guess we should go too,” you moved away from Bucky and stood up, he was quick to nod and follow you.

***

As soon as you were alone in your bedroom with him the silence between you two became twice as heavy. Bucky hadn’t looked at you again after you kissed, the wall was back up and you had no idea how to bring it down again.

“I’ll take the couch,” he spoke quietly.

“Okay,” you nodded and sighed, knowing that if you didn’t at least try you’d never forgive yourself,” you know you don’t have to, right?”

“Yeah, I…yeah, I know, but…”

“It’s fine,” you waved away your last remark, wishing you hadn’t said it at all. 

What did you expect? That he’d suddenly change his mind and crawl into bed with you to give you everything your body was craving right now? 

“It’s just that…,” Bucky was searching for words.

“You don’t have to explain, James.”

“No, but I want to,” he insisted,”I just…I don’t want you making a big deal out of it or nothing, okay, but…I get nightmares sometimes.”

You looked at him.

“Sometimes they can get pretty bad,” he continued,” Sometimes I talk in my sleep, which is…fine I guess, but sometimes I move in my sleep, I can’t always control it.”

“That’s why you don’t want to share a bed with me,” you realized.

“I once woke up in a pile of broken glass in my bed, at some point during the night I must have broken the lamp on my nightstand, I don’t remember doing that but…”

Your eyes met and the serious concerned look on Bucky’s face nearly broke your heart.

“It’s just safer if I sleep alone,” he added softly.

“Okay,” you nodded.

You were still staring at each other. You wanted to go over there and hug him, comfort him but you remembered his words very clearly: no pity.

“Thanks for telling me, James,” you eventually whispered.

So you both spent another night alone, Bucky sleeping on the couch and you lying awake most of the night in the big bed. You only fell asleep by the end of the night and when you finally woke up around 10 o’clock the couch was empty again.

***

The living room was already filled with chatter and laughter by the time you finally got downstairs.

“Finally, she wakes,” your dad joked when you stepped into the room.

“Morning,” you mumbled in a smile.

“Merry Christmas, honey,” he kissed you on the cheek and you gave him a hug in return.

“It’s time to open presents, jellybean,” your mum shoved a big present with a big red ribbon in your hands,” We didn’t wanna start without you, open up.”

You knew exactly what it was even before you opened the present, it was the same thing every year, although a little different each time. Your mum took her time to find a fitting one for every family member, a sweater for the women and socks for the men. But not regular ones, very Christmassy ones, the tackier the better.

You pulled the bright red sweater from the package and held it up, this year your mum decided to go with a themed one from one of your favorite shows, Game of Thrones. You covered your mouth and burst out laughing when you read the print on the sweater: _I saw mummy kissing uncle Jaime_

“Oh my god, mum,” you laughed.

“D’you get it?” she asked enthusiastically.

“Yeah, I get it, it’s awesome,” you went in for a hug.

“Merry Christmas, dear,” your mum smiled and hugged you back twice as hard.

“Merry Christmas, mum.“

The rest of the presents were exchanged and opened and true to tradition you put on your sweater, that’s when you caught eye of Bucky. The room had been so filled with family you only noticed him now, standing on the other side of the Christmas tree.

He was holding a present, the paper was already ripped and you could see it was one of your mum’s traditional socks, this particular one had a cat saying _Meowy Christmas_ on it. 

You rolled your eyes and laughed but Bucky was just staring at it. He seemed to have forgotten about everyone else in the room, he didn’t move, he just stared with the most serious intense look on his face.

Just as you were about to approach him he turned around and disappeared into the kitchen. 

You didn’t hesitate to follow him.

***

“Hey, James, are you alright?”

He stood leaned against the kitchen counter, your mum’s present still in his hands.

“She gave me stupid Christmas socks,” he muttered quietly.

"Yeah, look, I know it’s a crappy gift but…”

“No, you don’t understand,” Bucky interrupted you and when he looked up you saw there were tears in his eyes. “You don’t understand,” he repeated in a whisper while wiping away his tears. 

You moved closer to stand next to him, unable to form words or take your eyes off him.

“Your mum,” he then continued,”She bought me an actual gift, and she keeps giving me food, and hugging me and wishing me merry Christmas and…she just accepts me without even knowing anything about me and that’s…”

He sighed deeply, fighting back tears again,”And it’s not just her, it’s your entirely family, they’re just so…nice…It’s not something I’ve ever…”

He didn’t finish his sentence but he didn’t need to, you knew exactly what he meant.

“They like you, James,” you spoke softly,”My mum especially.”

Your words were meant as comfort but he was shaking his head,”She only likes me because she thinks you like me. It’s all based on a lie, we’re lying to her and I feel so crappy about it all when she treats me…like family.”

You nodded your head and only hesitated for a second before confessing,” She knows, Bucky.”

“Knows what?”

“She knows we’re only pretending to be together,” you explained,”I told her on the first day.”

He looked at you in surprise.

“What can I say? She’s my mum and I can’t lie to her, but…her treating you the way she does, that’s all real and it has nothing to do with me. She likes you.”

His face lit up at the realization and it was one of the cutest things you had ever seen.

“She doesn’t buy those crappy socks for just anyone, you know,” you added and Bucky smiled, a genuine warm smile.

“Thanks,” he then spoke softly,”for telling me that.”

You shrugged,”You’re welcome. Couldn’t have you crying over a pair of socks, could I? Talk about ruining your reputation.”

Bucky nudged your shoulder with his in a playful bump before giving you a serious look,“You tell anyone about that and I’m gonna have to kill you .”

You nodded your head but smiled.

“Wanna go back inside and thank her?” you then suggested.

“Yeah, I’d love that.”

***

If you thought your heart was weak seeing Bucky cry over a simple Christmas gift it was nothing compared to what you felt when you watched him step up to your mum and hesitantly ask her if he could talk to her. 

You stayed back, giving him space to say what he wanted to say without eavesdropping but you watched the whole interaction from a distance.

How nervous Bucky was when he started speaking, how intently your mum listened to him and how she opened up her arms to hug him tight. 

You could have sworn he was crying again when he hugged her back but you couldn’t be sure. 

When he broke the hug your mum kept her hands on his shoulders while she spoke to him, softly, words only meant for him and Bucky kept nodding his head while he looked at her. He was letting his tears fall now and you knew your mum was saying everything she could to comfort him. 

She kept talking to him for several minutes and then she cupped Bucky’s face and gave him a sweet kiss on his cheek, putting a soft smile on his face.

You had no idea what was said but you knew it was what Bucky needed to hear and you wanted to hug your mum for giving that to him.

When Bucky walked back to you the tears were gone but his smile was still there.

“That went well?” you asked.

“Yeah, very well,” he leaned in and placed a soft kiss on your cheek,”thank you.”

It was the start of a perfect Christmas day. You helped your mum, sister and aunt in the kitchen while the men hung out in the living room and set the table.

Christmas dinner was delicious and cozy and Bucky was right by your side the entire time, playing the perfect boyfriend. He complimented your mum on her cooking skills multiple times throughout the night and he chatted casually with the rest of your family. You’d never seen him this relaxed before and it warmed your heart.

He felt loved and at ease with these people and it brought out a whole different Bucky, one you could easily fall in love with.

You pushed that thought out of your mind when he put his hand on your knee and gave you a soft smile. You reciprocated but then looked away, if you stared into those blue eyes too long you’d be done for.

He didn’t kiss you again that night, but he never stopped touching you, whether it was an arm around your waist or him just holding your hand. It made you feel very warm inside and for those few hours you genuinely forgot you were both faking this whole thing and for some reason you were sure Bucky had forgotten too.

After dinner it didn’t take long before everyone went to bed, including you and Bucky.

You were ready to face another awkward silent night as soon as the door of the bedroom closed behind you both but this time Bucky actually looked at you, and smiled.

“I had a really great day today,” he stated.

“Me too, Bucky,” you smiled. 

“I never knew Christmas could be like that, this week has been…very confronting and equally amazing and I have your family to thank for it and…well, _you_ , I guess.”

“Let’s not forget Steve,” you added with a grin and Bucky smiled and nodded his head.

“Yeah, we can’t forget about Steve,” he agreed and looked at you.

He was downright staring now and your heart was doing a million little things and you hated all of them.

“You look really cute in that ridiculous sweater,” he then spoke softly.

“Thanks,” you laughed but broke eye contact.

Was he attempting to flirt? In his typical Bucky way? Whatever it was it was adding more fuel to your fire and you didn’t know how to handle it.

You moved towards the bed, Bucky however was moving away from you and towards the couch again.

You were disappointed but not surprised. You knew by now that Bucky wasn’t suddenly going to open up to you, no matter how amazing this night had been.

“I’m gonna take a quick shower, do you need the bathroom first?” you asked.

“No, I’ll go after you, take your time.”

You took Bucky’s words to heart, taking your time to shower and lingering a bit longer than you should have before you returned to the room.

Bucky had already fallen asleep by the time you got back so you just crawled into the big bed alone.

You fell asleep shortly after but it didn’t last very long. A few hours later you were awoken by noises in the room. You couldn’t really make out what it was at first and it took a while before you realized you weren’t dreaming.

“Bucky?” you whispered and sat up in the bed.

Bucky seemed to still be sleeping but he was restless, his breathing was anxious and it sounded like he was in pain.

“No,” he begged,”No, please, no…I don’t wanna go back there, please…no…”

“Bucky?” you tried again, raising your voice a little this time but he still couldn’t hear you,”James?”

The next thing you heard was him crying in pain followed by more silent whimpering and it was enough to have you out of the bed in seconds. You carefully moved towards the couch and sank down on your knees beside him.

His face was twisted in pain and he was sweating. You weren’t sure what to do, you didn’t want to startle him by waking him up but you also couldn’t just sit there and do nothing.

“James? Wake up, you’re dreaming, James!” you tried calling out his name again, louder now but it still wasn’t working.

Bucky was stirring in his sleep, his voice a scared whisper as he continued,“I’ll be good I promise…please…don’t hurt…hurt me…no…”

“Fuck it,” you sighed and pushed aside your fear while you leaned over him and carefully put your hands on his shoulders, shaking him out of his sleep.

He woke quickly and with a startled cry.

“It’s okay,” you reassured him,”You’re okay.”

Bucky stared at you and the look in his eyes was one of absolute confusion and fear.

You took your hands off him, only now realizing he wasn’t wearing a shirt and was at least half naked underneath those blankets.

“It’s okay,” you spoke softly,”It was just a dream.”

“What?” he whispered, wiping some strands of his long hair from his face,”What…happened?”

“You were having a bad dream I think.”

“Yeah,” he whispered,”Yeah, I…I remember.”

He pushed the blanket off him, sat up in the couch and then buried his face into his hands. You took the opportunity to sit down on the couch next to him and your heart broke when you heard Bucky starting to cry.

This time you didn’t give your brain any time to kick in but you followed your heart. You put your arm across his chest and pulled him close, letting him rest his head on your shoulder. Your other arm wrapped around his back so you could hug him tight.

Bucky didn’t fight it, he leaned into you, hesitantly at first but then he wrapped both arms around your waist and hugged you back. And just like that all his walls came crashing down and he let his tears fall without holding back.

“It’s okay, you’re alright,” you kissed his hair and caressed his back, keeping your touch soft and soothing. You gently let your nails run over his bare skin, up and down his back and after a while it seemed to calm him down. ”You’re alright, you’re safe here,” you repeated in a whisper.

You weren’t sure how long you sat like that, him holding onto you for dear life while you kept whispering soft comforting words into his ear. After a while his tears stopped and he went quiet, but he didn’t stop hugging you and you sure as hell weren’t going to stop either.

It wasn’t until you started feeling cold that you finally spoke up.

“Bucky?” you whispered.

“Hm?” he looked up.

You hesitated for a moment but when you looked into his eyes you found the courage to finally ask what you’ve wanted to ask all along,” Will you sleep in my bed, with me?”

You’d expected him to look shocked, or surprised at least and you realized too late that the question came out a little ambiguous so you quickly tried to rephrase it but Bucky was faster.

“Yes,” he answered without even thinking about it and then gently cupped your face, letting his thumb brush your cheek,”Yes, please.”

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter: You and Bucky share a bed, and lots of kisses, and you fall a little more in love with him every day. Supportive best friend Steve also makes another appearance.
> 
> I had to cut this chapter short because otherwise it would have gotten too long so this one is a little shorter than the previous ones.
> 
> There’s lots of fluff and a hint of more to come. (And yes by more I mean smut)

You covered his hand with yours and then gently took it to guide him off the couch and towards the bed. Bucky followed willingly.

When he let go of you to get into the bed you thought for a minute he was going to pull back but as soon as you were both under the covers his hands reached for you again. You sighed a little relieved when he hugged you close.

The term _sleeping with Bucky_ got a whole new meaning that night. It wasn’t about sex, in fact that thought never even crossed your mind as Bucky cuddled up to you.   
All you wanted was to make him feel safe and loved, and far away from any possible nightmares taking him back to the past.

You both fell asleep pretty quickly and for the first time you didn’t wake up alone the next morning.

You opened your eyes to Bucky already looking at you, a soft smile on his face, one arm still around you while his other hand played with your hair.

God he was beautiful, even just waking up like that, with messy hair and sleepy eyes he completely took your breath away

“Good morning,” he whispered deeply.

 _Oh god_ , his morning voice was insanely attractive.

“Hey,” you smiled and raised your hand to cup his face. Your heart melted when he leaned into your touch. 

The next thing happened without either of you thinking about it, you couldn’t even tell who initiated it but suddenly Bucky’s lips were on yours, kissing you, lazily and soft.

You’d kissed him several times before by now but this one was different. There was nobody here to put on a show for, there was nothing fake about this kiss, Bucky was kissing you because he wanted to, and _jesus fuck_ you wanted it too.

Your fingers moved through his hair while you kissed him back and when you licked into his mouth Bucky moaned softly. Your body moved towards his on instinct, your leg wrapped around his when he pulled you closer but when you moved your knee up you hit an obstacle.

Bucky’s morning erection was poking against your leg and you both flinched and stopped kissing.

“I’m sorry,” he quickly pulled back from you,”I’m sorry, I…that…I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s okay,” you laughed,”it happens.”

He looked at you,”You’re not gonna kick me out of the bed like you said?”

You shook your head and smiled and then you reached for his hand,” No, Bucky.”

He smiled relieved,”I don’t want you to think that…that’s not why I slept with you.”

“I know,” you reassured him,”It’s not why I invited you in my bed either.”

Okay, technically that was half a lie, it hadn’t been why you invited him in the bed last night but it wasn’t like you hadn’t thought about it before.

“Good,” he sighed relieved and hesitated before speaking his next words,”Can I kiss you again?”

You looked into his eyes and nodded your head,”You don’t have to ask.”

He moved closer to you in the bed and cupped your face with both hands before leaning in to kiss you. However careful and hesitant his words may be his kiss was not. This time it was confident and passionate and deep and it had you weak within seconds. Your hands moved across his chest and stomach, soft and firm at the same time and Bucky sighed at your touch.

“Keep doing that and I’m gonna have a problem again,” he then whispered in between kisses.

You smiled but moved your hands up to a safer area, his shoulders.

Neither of you tried to take it further after that, happy to just take things slow and enjoy the closeness of the other. 

***

The next few days were spent in the exact same way, you and Bucky hung out with your family during the day and slept in the same bed during the night. 

Bucky was affectionate throughout the days now and he also slowly opened up to you. There were certain things he still didn’t want to talk about and probably never would but when you were both alone at night he talked to you, about his youth, about fights he got into at school, how more than one foster dad abused him, how it made him very careful about who to trust and who to let into his life. 

You began to understand a little more of the mystery that was Bucky Barnes with each day and you came to see that Steve was right. Bucky was a good guy.

Except right now. 

A big ball of snow hit you right on the head.

“Bucky!” you screamed.

You wanted to sound angry but his laugh was too heartwarming. You tried to catch him but running in the show was the hardest fucking thing in the world and you were making no progress at all, your legs stuck in the big pile of snow. Bucky took pity on you and he stopped running and opened his arms. 

Instead of the hug he was obviously hoping to get you pushed him down into the snow.

Bucky went willingly but he was fast enough to pull you down with him, making you fall right on top of him.

“Nooo!” you screamed.

“Sorry,” Bucky giggled and wrapped both arms around you to hold you in place.

He looked so happy and carefree you couldn’t stop looking at him, or stop smiling. He was so beautiful, his long black hair spread out onto the carpet of white snow, the mischievous twinkle in his eyes and that gorgeous smile. 

He shivered from the cold and you shook your head. He was still wearing that damn leather jacket.

“We need to get you a real wintercoat,” you remarked.

He shook his head in protest,”I love my leather too much.”

“You’re a stubborn ass,” you rolled your eyes but leaned down to put a soft kiss on his lips. Bucky kissed you back and then his lips curled into a smile, making your heart leap.

“You _like_ my stubborn ass,” he teased.

“Maybe I do,” you smiled and bit your lip,”So, what do you wanna do now? Do you wanna go for a walk further down the woods, or…do you wanna build a snowman?”

Bucky raised his eye brow and stifled a laugh.

“That sentence is never gonna sound normal again, isn’t it?”

“Nope,” he shook his head and then pushed you off him just to change positions, putting you into the snow with him straddling your legs.

“Oh, you wanna wrestle?” you teased him.

He ignored your comment and stared into your eyes before speaking softly,“I don’t care what we do, as long as I’m with you.”

The words came out so sincere you couldn’t even think of a smart comeback. 

Bucky’s eyes turned soft and then he leaned down to bring his face closer to yours. You grabbed his hoodie with both hands, pulled it over his head and then used it to pull him down all the way for another kiss. 

His nose was cold against yours, as were his lips but you didn’t care. Your heart had never felt warmer.

***

“Merry Christmas, Rogers!”

“Thanks, beautiful, Christmas was 4 days ago though, where have you been?”

You smiled at his answer and started typing,”Yeah, sorry, we got a bit distracted.”

“WE???”

“Don’t act like you don’t know, I know you set this all up. You planned this all along, didn’t you?”

“Me? Set up my two best friends in the world? Those two idiots who would be perfect for each other if only they weren’t both too stubborn to see it? Put them both in a beautiful romantic cabin in the snow for Christmas and have them “pretend” to like each other in he hopes of them actually starting to like each other? That sounds like a lot of planning, I mean, come on, does that sound like something I would do?”

You rolled your eyes and handed your phone to Bucky who’d been reading along with you.

“That sounds exactly like something you would do, you little shit.”

“Bucky?”

“Yeah, it’s me you punk. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Buck. Oh and you’re welcome!”

“Shut up.” Bucky was still rolling his eyes but at the same time he couldn’t stop smiling.

“Consider this my Christmas present to you both,” Steve texted.

Bucky handed you back your phone when he heard your mum call his name from the kitchen.

“Go on, I’ll catch up,” you told him and watched him leave the room with a smile.

“Steve, you still here?” you typed.

“I’m here, who am I talking to now?”

“It’s Y/N, Bucky’s gone.”

“So everything’s good?”

You smiled,”Everything’s really good.”

“I’m happy for you both.”

“How did you know?”

“Are you kidding me? Everyone knew, Y/N. You and Bucky always hated each other a little too much, it was pretty obvious.”

You couldn’t help but smile and before you could type you had another message from Steve,”Hey, promise me something though.”

“Yeah?”

“Be good to him. Bucky’s life has been filled with temporary people, everyone always leaves him and…”

It took a while before the rest of Steve’s message came through but when it did you could feel your heart crack a little.

“I don’t think I can witness him losing anybody else, Y/N.”

Steve’s words hit home and you sighed, “I’m not going anywhere, Steve, I promise.”

“Good. And I knew, I just had to say that, and trust me Bucky is getting a very similar speech about not hurting my girl.”

You smiled,”Thank you, Steve.”

“You both deserve so much happiness and if I’ve played only the tiniest part in making that happen then that’s the best Christmas present I could have asked for.”

Your eyes filled with tears at his words,”Damn you, Rogers.”

“I made you cry, didn’t I?”

“No,” you lied,”I don’t cry that easily, what do you take me for?”

“You’re so crying right now.”

“Shut up!” you angrily wiped the tears from your face.

Steve’s next message only added more emotions,”I love you, you know that, right?”

_Goddamned, Rogers._

“Sorry, I’ll leave you to go cry in silence now.”

“Fuck you.”

“Can’t wait to see you again so I can give you a real big hug, baby.”

“Can’t wait to see you again so I can smack you in your stupid face, jerk.”

You finally managed to stop the stream of tears and you sighed, your lips curling into a smile,” I love you too, Steve, you’re the best best friend any girl could wish for and I can’t wait to see you again and hug you. I’ve missed you.”

***

The next day Bucky was watching the game with your dad and uncle while you and your mum were drinking eggnog in the kitchen.

“I’m really glad to see you so happy, honey,” your mum smiled,”After Ben I wasn’t sure we’d ever see that again on you.”

You stayed quiet. 

Right. _Ben_. 

You hadn’t even realized until your mum said his name just now. You hadn’t spent one minute thinking about Ben during these past few days, Bucky had erased all thoughts of him from your mind. No man had ever been able to do that and you realized you were in much deeper than you thought. 

“You really love him, don’t you?” your mum teased.

You turned to look at her and shook your head,“It’s way too early for that, Mum, I barely know him….”

“But you love him regardless,” she stated and as soon as she said it you knew it was true. It didn’t matter that you barely knew him, Bucky had shared so much with you in the past couple of days you weren’t even sure that statement was still true. You felt like you knew him better than anyone.

Your mother wrapped an arm around your shoulder and hugged you.

“When you know you know, honey,” she then reassured you.

“Can you act like the mum in this relationship? You’re supposed to tell me to be careful and that it’s way too soon to speak of such a thing as love and I should take things slowly.”

Your mum just shrugged,”Yolo.”

You shook your head and laughed,” Did you really just say that?”

“Call it a mother’s intuition if you will but I have a really good feeling about Bucky,” she then added with a smile.

“So do I, mum, it’s hard for me to imagine that only a week ago I hated his guts.”

“That’s because you didn’t know him,” she pointed out.

“Yeah, it would seem so,” you took another sip from your glass of eggnog.

The conversation ended when your sister and her husband walked into the room. You went back to the living room to join Bucky on the couch. He smiled at you and wrapped an arm around your shoulder to pull you close to him.

You leaned into his hug with a happy sigh.

Bucky placed a soft warm kiss in your neck, right below your ear, making you shiver and upon seeing your reaction he did it again, only slower this time, using this tongue to trace patterns across your skin.

“Bucky,” you breathed.

“What’s the matter, sweetheart?” he teased, keeping his mouth mere inches from your skin, his hot breath was giving you goosebumps and your fingers sank into his shirt to hold him close.

“Don’t stop,” you begged.

He smiled softly and then he brought his lips up to your ear and whispered,“You love having my mouth on you, don’t you?”

You nodded your head and bit back a moan when he kissed your neck again. 

“You taste so good, baby,” he then teased you some more, brushing his lips against the shell of your ear,”I wanna taste every inch of you.”

Good god, _fuck_.

He didn’t wait for you to respond this time but just leaned in and gently bit your bottom lip before pulling you into another searing kiss. 

The moan in the back of your throat was quiet but it was loud enough for Bucky to hear and he smirked into the kiss, satisfied with the way you reacted to his words and his touch.

You’d both been very patient until now. There hadn’t been any rush and you’d been fine taking things slow and getting to know him first, but right now your entire body was craving him and you weren’t sure how much longer you could take this. 

If Bucky didn’t fuck you soon you were going to explode.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter: It’s New Year’s Eve and Bucky can’t keep his hands off you.
> 
> I promised you guys smut, didn’t I? 
> 
> WARNING for dirty talk, fingering and a lot of teasing and explicit language.  
> Do NOT read this chapter at work. Bucky’s filthy mouth had me flushed af, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
> 
> I also warned you guys this is a slow burn, right? 
> 
> Don’t hate me for that ending…

New year’s eve came around too quickly, confronting you with the fact that in less than two days you’d be back in the city and back to your old life.   
Before you arrived here you couldn’t wait for this holiday to be over, right now you’d give anything for it to never end. Especially your time with Bucky.

How was it possible to grow so attached to someone so quickly?

If you could you would just stop time for a while and stay here with him, away from the world

But the clock was ticking and 2019 was approaching quickly whether you were ready or not.

The furniture in the living room of the cabin had all been pushed aside to create a big dance space next to the Christmas tree. Your uncle was installing the speakers while your niece and sister were picking out music.

“I’m just saying, I turn 17 in less than 5 months, tonight is the perfect time to let me have my first champagne,” your niece hinted.

“Not a chance,” your sister insisted,” not before you’re 18.”

Your niece rolled her eyes and sighed,” You know I’ve been to parties before, right? They have alcohol there, it wouldn’t exactly be the first time.”

“Not on my watch, kid,” your sister didn’t budge and your niece rolled her eyes.

By the dinner table Bucky was helping your mum set up some snacks and drinks, he seemed relaxed and chatty and you couldn’t help but smile.

The day had been spent watching the snow and having some drinks out on the deck, followed by more drinks inside by the fireplace with everyone sharing new year’s plans and resolutions.

By the time evening arrived the alcohol was already flowing freely and starting to have its effect on some people.

One of those people being Bucky.

You were putting some leftovers away in the pantry when you heard someone step in there with you. 

“Did you forget something, mum?” you asked but as you turned around you noticed it wasn’t your mum.

Bucky was leaning against the doorway, staring at you. His hair was pulled back into a bun and he was wearing a black cuddly sweater, he was biting his lip and there was a small blush on his cheeks. 

You knew right away he was a little drunk.

“Hey, do you need something in here?” you asked.

“Yeah, I do,” he moved closer to you and before you could speak his hands were on your waist and you were being pressed up against one of the shelves. “I need you,” he whispered and his lips found yours in a warm kiss.

The heat and the softness of him instantly made you weak and you wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him back.   
He kissed you deeper and then pulled back to gently nip at your bottom lip, letting out a small but very effective moan that went straight to your pussy.

You could feel the intention of this kiss was different from all the previous ones. His hands moved down to cup your ass and he pulled your body up against his, letting you feel his erection.

“Fuck…,” you sighed heavily before pulling back a little,”James…the kitchen is right there, anyone could walk in here, we can’t…”

He softly nuzzled your cheek. “Don’t really care,” he breathed,”I wanna fuck you.”

Hearing those words from his mouth was enough to set your entire body on fire, you wanted to rip off his clothes right here and now and let him do what he wanted with you. _Whatever_ he wanted.

“Bucky,” you sighed.

“Wanna fuck you bad,” he added in that same heavy whisper, grinding up against you.

He was rock hard and moaning and this was all too much for you to take. Your brain was starting to calculate the actual risk of one of your family members walking in here and catching you both in the act. Your body didn’t really give a shit and was more than wiling to take that chance if it meant finally feeling Bucky inside you. 

He started kissing your neck, slowly while rolling his hips against yours, pushing his dick right between your legs, causing delicious friction against your clit.

“F-uck,” you breathed.

“Yes,” he moaned into your ear,” please, yes…want you so fucking bad.”

“Bucky…we can’t, not in here,” you tried to put up a protest but it was weak as fuck. You were breathing way too heavily to be convincing and your body was moving in sync with his, desperately seeking out the contact he was offering.”We can’t,” you tried again.

Bucky pulled back a little but didn’t stop kissing your neck,” Why not?”

You fought to find your voice of reason,“For one, because I think you’re a little drunk.”

“Only a little,” he admitted and then he brought his lips up to your ear, kissing the spot right under it and making you shiver. “Doesn’t change the fact that I want you naked underneath me right now,” he whispered and gave you his best bedroom eyes,” Let me fuck you, please.”

You couldn’t even speak right now but your hands were firm on his chest, holding him back. Him and his gorgeous eyes and sexy lips and perfect cheekbones and what was your point again?

“Come on,” Bucky smirked,” I know I got you all worked up, baby.”

“I’m not worked up,” your protest came too fast and was also completely futile.

He leaned his forehead against yours and licked his lips slowly,” Dirty little liar.”

“I’m not lying,” you lied.

“Oh, really?” he breathed against your skin,”So you’re telling me that when I slip my hand down your panties right now, I won’t find you wet and aching for me?”

You swallowed hard and Bucky smiled because he knew. He knew exactly how fucking soaked you were right now and how desperate you were for him to touch you.

But you were not going to give in, your first time with Bucky was not going to be a quickie in the pantry, he deserved more than that.

“Listen, we’re not going to fuck until you’re sober,” you pointed out when you finally decided to follow your brain,” I want you to remember our first time, James.”

He looked at you for a moment and then he nodded his head and stepped back, as if your words pulled him back down to reality. “Okay,” he whispered,”You’re right, of course you’re right.”

You moved away but when you tried to walk past him he grabbed your wrist and pulled you back.

He spun you around and before you could speak he wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you close again, your back against his chest. 

“James,” you warned him.

“What?” he asked, that teasing tone back in his voice.

He moved you closer to the wall until you were trapped between his body and the shelves.

His hands moved to your hips, pulling you to him while he put his mouth on your ear.

“I’m not going to fuck you, I promise,” he whispered and then his hand moved down and he slowly started unbuttoning your jeans.

“What are you doing?”

“You are not leaving this room until I make you cum,” he breathed against your skin,“ I’m going to finger you until you beg me to fuck you, and then I won’t because I made you a promise, and I always keep my promises.”

He softly bit your earlobe when he reached the last button on your jeans.

“Asshole,” you breathed but your body was already moving along with him, so needy for anything he would give you.

He pushed your jeans down and then moved his hand against your inner thigh, spreading your legs.

“That’s it, open up for me, sweetheart.”

Your head fell back onto his shoulder and you had to bite your lip to keep from moaning out loud when he finally cupped your panties with his big warm hand, putting some much needed pressure on your cunt.

“Bucky,” you whimpered softly.

You should be protesting, telling him to stop, just walk away before it went too far and there was no turning it back but then his fingers found your clit and nothing else mattered anymore.

You moaned shamelessly.

“Shhh, you have to be quiet, can you be quiet for me, darlin’?”

You nodded your head,” Yes, yes I’ll be quiet.”

He started moving his fingers, circling your clit through your panties.

“Good girl,” he whispered into your ear, almost making you fall apart right then and there.

You needed something to hold onto so you wrapped one arm around his neck while your other hand reached for the edge of the shelve in front of you.

Your hips were moving against Bucky’s hand, eager for more and you could hear him laugh in your ear.

“Not worked up, huh?” he then purred,” you’re fucking soaked, baby…you have no idea what I wanna do to you right now.”

You could feel his cock press against your ass, still hard as a rock and you pushed back to give him some friction, making him let out a heavy moan.

“Fuck,” he breathed heavily while rolling his hips,”That’s…not…fair”

He fought to gain back control by pushing your panties aside and letting his fingers slip into your folds. It didn’t take long before he had one finger inside you and you were on the verge of falling apart.

You tried to keep quiet but then he added another finger and started moving them, searching for that one spot deep inside you while keeping his thumb focussed on your clit.

“Yes…more,” you begged,” Oh god…please, James…more…faster”

“Shhh,” Bucky put his other hand over your mouth to shut you up,“What part of keep quiet don’t you understand, doll?”

His fingers were relentless, giving you exactly what you craved, touching all the right places and putting just enough pressure to drive you crazy. Your orgasm started to build and your fingers dug into the skin of his neck, letting him know you were close.

“Shhh,” Bucky’s soothed into your ear,”That’s it, sweetheart, you wanna cum for me? You look so fucking beautiful, baby…let me feel you, soak my fingers, right now, cum for me.”

It was all it took for you to fall apart. Your hand grabbed at his hair, pulling out his hair tie in the process. You pulled so hard you heard him whimper into your ear but it didn’t slow him down.

His fingers kept you right there in the moment, prolonging your orgasm for as long as he could, making you see stars. When it started to fade he just held you close to him until your body stopped shaking. 

You leaned back against him, softly carding your fingers through his hair as you came down from your high.

“Holy fuck,” you breathed out when he removed his hand from your mouth.

His laugh was devious and delicious in your ear,” Happy new year, baby.”

****

You and Bucky joined the rest of your family on the dance floor a little later. It was less than ten minutes to midnight and everyone was already in a party mood.

Your mum waved at you both and you made your way over to her with Bucky on your heels.

“Are you alright, dear?” she asked,”You look a little flushed.”

“I’m fine, it’s the alcohol,” you waved away her concern.

“But I haven’t seen you drink yet,” your mum’s eyes moved from you to Bucky, who was having a hard time keeping a straight face,” James, have you been doing naughty things to my daughter?”

“Mum!” you hit her on the arm.

“What?” she asked innocently.

“It sounds like you’ve had enough alcohol for the both of us,” you pointed out but she just laughed and winked at Bucky.

He was blushing so hard you almost felt bad for him.

“I’m sorry,” she then smiled,” I didn’t mean to embarrass you two, I’m just glad to see things are…progressing.”

“Me too, Ava,” Bucky confessed with a little smile and then he reached for your hand and laced your fingers together,” Me too.”

Your mum’s smile could’t have been brighter,“You’re gonna come watch the fire works with us?”

“Yeah, of course,“ he answered.

Everyone put on their coats and made their way outside to count down to the new year and see the fire works. Bucky helped you with your scarf and then grabbed your hand again. As soon as you were outside he took you with him to sit on the stairs, still close to your family but also a little bit apart to give you both some privacy.

Bucky didn’t say a word as the last seconds of the year ticked away and when everyone around you burst out into new year’s cheers he just looked at you, his eyes soft and his smile even softer.   
  
For a few moments you just stared at each other, the sounds and colors of the fire works in the background adding even more magic to the moment. 

Then Bucky leaned in to kiss you, not rushed or hungry like before but soft and sweet. You grabbed his leather jacket to pull him close to you and kissed him back with the same tenderness he was offering you.

“Happy new year,” he then smiled.

“Happy new year, asshat,” you nuzzled his cheek.

Bucky laughed and then sighed deeply.

“Are you okay?” you asked.

“Yeah, I’m…yeah.”

“You’ve gone a little quiet,” you looked up to meet his eyes,”Talk to me.”

He leaned into you and you hugged him a little closer.

“I’m scared,” he then spoke softly.

“Of what?”

“This, you, me, us, it’s…it’s too good to be true, things like this…they aren’t meant for me and I’m just scared it’s gonna be taken away from me any day now.”

“Bucky,” you shook your head.

“Good things never last and…you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” his voice was shaking,“This holiday has been amazing and wonderful and so surreal but…we’re going back to the real world soon and…”

“I’m still gonna want you in the real world,” you spoke softly.

Bucky sighed and bit his lip.

“Bucky, listen to me,” you cupped his face with both hands, forcing him to look at you,” I know life hasn’t been kind to you, and I know people haven’t been kind to you, but I’m not one of them. I’m never going to hurt you, and I’m not going to leave you either. In case you hadn’t noticed I’m pretty fucking crazy about you.”

His eyes softened and there was a hint of a smile on his lips.

“Really?” he then asked.

“Was that not obvious earlier in the pantry?” you teased.

He smiled a little shyly and you shook your head in disbelief.

“Seriously, how are you that same guy?” you then asked,” This confident sexy asshole one minute and then this cute insecure puppy the next?”

He grinned,” I told you, sex is easy but this…feelings, talking…that’s fucking hard for me.”

“It’s okay, we can work on it,” you gently pushed his hair back behind his ear,”Tell me how you feel? About me, I mean.”

“I…I’m…,” he hesitated before looking into your eyes and taking your hand, you could see he was struggling a little but also that he was taking the question seriously and wanted to give you an honest answer. ”I’m in love with you,” he then confessed.

Your heart made a little jump.

He smiled relieved, finally being able to say it. “I’m so completely in love with you,” he then repeated. 

You leaned your face against his and closed your eyes with a happy sigh,“I’m in love with you too, James.”

Bucky pressed his lips to yours in another kiss. This one started out soft and sweet but quickly turned into something a lot more hot and needy. It didn’t take long before Bucky was moaning quietly into your mouth, waking up the fire in you again. You softly bit his bottom lip while you slipped your hands underneath his leather jacket.

“You feel so amazing,” you whispered,” I can’t stop touching you.”

“We need to take this inside,” he breathed.

“Yeah, we do,” you moved your lips to his neck,” You are wearing way too many clothes and I wanna rip them all off of you.”

Bucky visibly shivered and you were pretty sure it had nothing to do with the cold temperature outside.

He grabbed your hand and pulled you up with him,“Bedroom, now.”

 

 


End file.
